Men: the beginning of trying to understand why I like men…

There are some men who just know how to touch a woman. The way their hands sit on her body like they are touching the sky, how every movement is unprecedentedly witty. How their hands make you wish you were the woman they were touching. Sometimes I come across videos, not pornographic or even just images on Instagram and I think ‘wow, I am not jealous of the woman in the photo. I am envious’ because it’s rare that I feel that kind of electricity.

I think people always underestimate what I mean when I say I love men. I don’t mean that I am limiting my sexuality to just heterosexual experiences. I have mention on this blog, I am attracted to women. A lot but wierdly enough, they do not intrigue me as much as men do.

I mean I really like men. There something about men that I always feel like they don’t see in themselves but I see in them. Something beautiful something beyond what the naked eye can not see. I am a woman most men don’t look at twice because my beautiful standards do not meet the popular category of skinny and sexy.

If men like me it’s mostly something to do with a face sitting fetish or just a feedism fetish which I am not into or just they have a thing for curvy girls. Therefore it could be easy to say my endearment towards men is because men don’t like me. I can simply go a year without a man asking me out. Believe it or not, we are knocking on December and I have not been asked out. The internet dating failed because I found men in there fake. I ended up even studying algorithm of online dating. So maybe I am intrigued by men because there so few of them who look at me the same way I look at them. Or maybe I am looking at every man as if they are Adam, the one man who started my passion for men.

I know men are horrible. Most men in my life have been nothing less that horrible. And trust me, I understand what some women mean when they say men are trash, cause almost every man I have come to know at my youth isn’t a good man.

They are so bad that you would think I would hate the male species after them but weirdly enough, I look at men walking, talking laughing or whatever and I think ‘wow, aren’t they something… such beautiful creatures’

I think we have grown in a society where it has been constructed that only women should be admired but I think that’s like a curtain hiding the beautiful view. Men are to be admired too, and I know I haven’t really figured out yet what it is I like so much about men -even when the world gives me every reason not to like them – but I will figure it out.

Sometimes it makes me feel dirty, or perverted or wierd because I look at men. I look at every part of a man. I try and read their mind even if I am not a mind reader, I yearn to know what is in their mind. What part of the brain makes them be what they are.

I never look a man in the eye and it’s not s submission thing, it’s a secrecy thing. I fear if I look them in the eye I will either lure them or they will lure me. Or they would see what my mind had analysed about them or they would just think I am fucking strange.

I look at their hands, believe it or not as a clearly sexual woman , I don’t look at their hands in a sexual way. Sometimes I do but very often I don’t.

My friend once laughed at me when I pointed out that I liked how the man walking in front of us his back facing us was walking. She said ‘well men admire our asses when we walking, that man has no ass’ she didn’t understand but the way a man walks says so much about them than anyone would think. It speaks about their personality, their body language, their life. So much.

Sometimes a man simply has to walk towards me and I would know they aren’t what I like, sometimes he just has to speak and I would know they aren’t what I like.

Just because I find men intriguing, it doesn’t mean I find every man intriguing. I am intrigued by certain numbers of men, at a certain age, but from all different walks, races and all the social conformities.

I am trying to understand why I like men and out of all thing I am ashamed of saying, why is it easy for me to say it out loud in public that I love men, and it is hard to say I have a sexual blog?

Men.